That was cold
1. Is it true?
I just read it again and yes, it now seems cold to me.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
If I was in a place of pain I really do see it as somewhat cold. Not 100% but somewhat.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I want to take it back. I want to edit. I want to add something to soften it.
I remember how my Dad would say I had a cold heart. I start feeling really bad about myself. I really notice when I think and believe that thought I start to separate from me. It’s like with a friend who just did something that you don’t want to be part of, you take a step back.
I feel lonely. I see myself as cold. I really SEE it. There’s an amazing sadness. Tears start rolling down my cheek.
I feel that sadness in my thyroid. It’s very tense. I recall a memory of pushing my little brother because he had eaten my piece of cake. He crushed into the wall. I hadn’t meant for him to get hurt. But I pretended to not care and instead justified my action.
The more I stay there and think that thought, the more it hurts, the sadder I get, and the more I believe I am cold.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
The separation melts. I come back to myself. I give myself a hug. I see it for what it was: My intention was to help. The words seemed right at the time.
Without the thought I am gentle with myself. Loving. Caring. Understanding. Appreciating myself.
Without the thought I also don’t go in other people’s business. I don’t pretend to know how they’ll perceive my words. I stay in the here and now.
Turnarounds:
That was not cold.
- It was my experience that I shared.
- My intention was to help and offer insight that I was asked for.
- What is warm and what is cold? Who is to judge? Where does cold start and warm end? Is it the same for everybody? At different times?
That was warm.
- That was the intention in which it was written.
- Help in itself when it is asked for is warm.
Filed under Fear and Depression, Self by on Sep 5th, 2007. Comment. 
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Comments on That was cold
There’s something in this inquiry that strongly draws me to wanting to hear the whole story.was pretty bad, girl) or arguing about it (you’re not cold at all, Christine).
The statement “That was cold” is a judgment, and I respond by wanting to make a bunch of judgments of my own. Thanks for showing me one more little trick of my mind, Christine.
What about underlying beliefs you might hold? Things like “People shouldn’t be cold to each other.” “Sisters shouldn’t hurt their little brothers.” “People shouldn’t hurt others.” “People who hurt other people’s feelings are bad.” “People who hurt other people physically are bad.”
Is there an assumption that I should be a warm (whatever in the heck that means) person? Why should I be warm? Is that one/the way to get LAA? Is that the way to get Dad’s LAA? How about Rob’s? Will’s?
As always, thanks for sharing your work. — Loev, Nancy
That first paragraph above is a consolidation of three paras that got mangled when (before?) I clicked Submit. It should have said:
There’s something in this inquiry that strongly draws me to wanting to hear the whole story.
“Let’s forget inquiry and just gossip, Christine,” my mind urges me to say. “Tell me all about what happened, so I can judge for myself whether or not you were cold.”
It would be happy either agreeing with you (that was pretty bad, girl) or arguing about it (you’re not cold at all, Christine).