People that do not achieve anything are worth less
1. Is it true?
I think I really believe that.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I look at women that just stay home, raise kids and do the cooking and cleaning – and I see them as worth less.
I put myself under pressure to achieve. When I believe that thought I also feel a constant shortage of time. With that thought I am constantly chasing against the clock. I compare myself with the imaginary place of where I should be, what I should have gotten done by now, how much money I should be making, etc.
Negative self-talk. Little or disrespecting others. Doing the same with myself. Constant pressure. Being flustered with the question: What do you do?
Ick! Lots of tension in my shoulders, constantly tapping my foot, a constant restlessness. And I eat. I eat to soothe and comfort.
Alright! I am ready to look at what life would be without this thought!
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Oh my god, that would be soo peaceful. I would just live my life. I would do what’s right in front of me. Without a story of where that should lead to. I would be more present. I would enjoy life more. I would be out of other people’s business. I would enjoy doing nothing. I could totally immerse myself in playing with W. There’d be PEACE. And also less separation and judgement of others.
Mmh, yeah that feels good. I love that.
Turnarounds:
People that don’t achieve anything are not worth less.
- I have no clue what they came into this life for. What if it was just to experience what it’s like to breathe?
- Or what if these people’s job was to make others feel better in that they offer a level of achievement that is easy for others to top?
-
Side question:
What is the purpose of achievement? Why do we need to achieve something in the first place?
Because everybody needs to contribute.
Why?
Because otherwise it is unbalanced. Some people DO something while others don’t.
Ok, so it’s about fairness. Now, what about these women that stay home and raise the children, do the cooking and cleaning. They ARE doing something.
Yes, that’s true.
So, it’s not just about fairness.
No. There is a concept of good and bad, better and worse.
So, achievement comes in a specific form?
Yes. You can’t "achieve" something at home.
Is achievement tied to money?
Not sure. Actually, a professor could come up with some new formula or write a book and she may not make a lot of money but she gets a lot of recognition.
Ah! So, achievement is tied to approval?
Yes, I think more so than money. Because I could think of someone making A LOT of money and nobody would call him an achiever. Let’s say a drug dealer or bank robber.
Ok, so we’ve established that achievement is tied to approval. You want to achieve something because that would get you people’s approval.
Yes.
So, the underlying belief here is: You need other people’s approval.
Yes, that’s it. I’ll question that next.
Ooooh, that was good!
Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Self, Time, Work by on Sep 13th, 2007. Comment. 
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Comments on People that do not achieve anything are worth less
Hello Christine,
I have just been doing the Work on almost exactly the same belief, and came to see what you have that underlying this was the belief that the way to feel valued was to get others’ approval. I am a mother at home, not earning money, and have for a while been aware that I mirrored my own mother’s situation, against all the beliefs I built up in my twenties that mothers ‘should’ work and create role models for their children (I could give you a long list of reasons I had to justify this belief!)
As a teenager I noticed that men appeared to be valued more than women, men went out to work and earned money, therefore I concluded that earning money was the way to earn respect and to feel valued. I have been very fortunate to have this belief challenged in my life again and again as I have earned very little most of my life, and have finally understood that value comes from within!
thank your for your wonderful inquiry,
Yvonne
Great inquiry, Christine. I love the way you spotted a side question and worked it right away. I sure wasn’t with you when you said that women whose job is raising children and making a home are worth less than women who hold a salaried position. Yet by the time you got to needing approval from others, I was cheering you on. Me too; I frequently think I need that approval. I’m looking forward to reading that inquiry too. Thanks so much for all the sharing you’re doing in this blog.
Thank you Yvonne and Nancy for your comments on this Work. It feels like I am really undoing something that’s been with me for a looong time.
After doing this Work, I questioned the belief: I need other people to think highly of me. And my wonderful Round Robin partner asked me: Why? Why do you need people to think highly of you? And I got that the fear of being all alone was underneath. So, this morning I sat down and questioned that one further:
YOU NEED PEOPLE TO THINK HIGHLY OF YOU. WHY?
If they think highly of me, they will speak well of me to others. People will like me. They won’t conspire against me. And that means I won’t be all alone.
SO, YOUR ULTIMATE FEAR IS TO BE ALL ALONE?
Yeah, I think that is what’s under that.
SO WHAT IF YOU ARE ALL ALONE? WHAT’S NOT OK ABOUT THAT?
When nobody wants to be with me, nobody talks to me, everybody avoids me, nobody helps me, nobody sells anything to me, I will die.
I think I need to go back to that time when I first picked up the fear of being all alone. I did some Work on it before (I am all alone), and today I’ll look into it some more.
Thank you both for your comments. I really appreciate your "presence" here. It feels very supportive.
In gratitude,
Christine
.This morning I did The Work on All hell will break loose. I never really understood why I didn’t speak up (the 12 year old) when from one day to the next my teammates wouldn’t speak with me and would avoid me. And yesterday when I did some Work on They shouldn’t treat me that way, I realized that I was the one ignoring me. I was afraid that if I address the issue and confront my teammates about what’s going on that All hell would break loose. So, because I was more afraid of that I ignored my pain and suffering in the present moment. And THAT was what hurt.