1. Is it true?
Yes. I could get more done.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
I am learning that what is is what’s best. So, no. I can’t absolutely know that that is true.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Annoyed. Wondering what’s up. Feeling that I am wasting time sleeping. Afraid to get addicted to caffeine.
But mostly stressed out to waste precious alone time with sleep.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Without that thought I would go to bed when I am tired. Tired. Bed. Pretty simple. What am I supposed to be doing right now? I am tired – I am supposed to be sleeping. Life tells me exactly what to do.
Without the thought I don’t fight what is. Wow, that feels so peaceful all of the sudden.
Turnarounds:
It would not be better for me if I wasn’t tired so often these days.
- Because the best is always what is.
- I wouldn’t appreciate as much how well the apartment is insulated. I can take a nap while Will is watching tv. That wouldn’t have been possible in the house.
- I can relate better to R. when he is tired and just has to have a nap. Now I know what it’s like to be so tired that you can’t do much else until you’ve had a nap.
It would be worse for me if I wasn’t tired so often these days.
- I would not get to work on thoughts about productivity and getting things done. That has actually been quite insightful.
- I might have more trouble understanding R.’s need for sleep.
- Maybe because I wouldn’t appreciate this new life as much which comes with being able to take a nap whenever or going to bed early.
1. Is it true?
Yes. He sometimes is making connection that are not true.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. Everybody interprets things that happened or words that were said into his or her own world.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I put him down in my mind. I think he is crazy. I go into the future of this thinking pattern leading to separation and depression some day. I think of him having picked up this thinking pattern from his mother who suffered from severe depression.
I sometimes attempt to question the connections he just made. At other times I don’t bother. I find it too exhausting to set it "right" which of course is my definition of right.
I experience stress. A lot of stress. I feel that in my neck and in my shoulder as tension.
I separate from him. I judge him.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would not be in his business. I interpret things the way I do. He does it his way. I would be in the I-don’t-know-mind. I would not pretend to know what leads to depression and what not.
Without the thought I would find his thinking interesting. I would see how we all make the connections we make.
Turnarounds:
He is not delusional.
He is making his connections and attaching his meaning to events. I may think these connections aren’t right. But not right for whom? Not right for me. But how can I can I know what is right for him? For his path?
He is clear.
For him the connections and the meaning of events are VERY clear. It is soo clear that no convincing him otherwise would change his mind.
I am delusional.
- When I think he is. Yes, absolutely true. I live in a dream world if I think he should make the "right" connections and attach the "right" meaning to events. Right! 
Wake up!
- Sometimes I make connections that may be totally off. And I got lots of examples. Once a friend didn’t return my calls nor my emails. I thought she was upset with me. Then I get a call from her telling me that she had been in a hospital for 3 weeks! How delusional was that connection? I made the connection of her not calling meant her being upset with me.
- When I am in his or anybody else’s business. I can’t possibly know what connections they are REALLY making, even if they say it out loud.
Filed under Children, Control, Relationships by on Jul 7th, 2007. Comment. 
1. Is it true?
Yes. That’s what it looks like to me.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No, I can’t know that she is consciously doing that to get others to make it right for her. Maybe that’s her only way of dealing with her hurt and/or disappointment. I can’t know. So, no I can’t absolutely know that.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I react annoyed. I feel manipulated. My instinct is to just ignore her. But then I am afraid that it will last for a long time or even destroy our relationship. I want to make it right but at the same time I don’t want to do it BECAUSE she is sulking. I don’t want her to think that it is because she is sulking.
With that thought I am reluctant to tend to her. I am afraid to perpetuate that sulking is a way to get others to make it right for you.
I feel torn. I feel stressed. And I feel that in my body. My shoulders are tense, my neck too.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would talk to her some time after. I would ask her what was going on for her and also how I could best support her in that moment. I would listen. Really listen. Actually, that idea really excites me. I might really learn something.
Wow, what a different attitude. I might find out that I am very wrong. Wow, how different that feels.
Turnarounds:
She is not using sulking as a way to get others to make it right for her.
- That might be just as true. I really can’t know. I have never asked her.
- Sometimes I am so upset I can’t even voice it. I then just need some time or someone being genuinly interested and caring about me.
- She might not have an agenda at all. She just removes herself from the situation that is unpleasant to her.
She is using sulking as a way to get herself to make it right for her.
Could be true. I just don’t know another person’s mind.
I am using sulking as a way to get others to make it right for me.
Ouch! I think I do that. Truth is, it seemed to work when I was a kid and a teenager (and even to this day). I get real quiet and eventually people would ask what’s up and try hard to find out. They would give me a lot of attention and they would try to make it right for me. Ah! Maybe that is what I am projecting onto her. That is the way I do it often. No wonder it annoys me and I just want to ignore her. Interesting to see.
Filed under Children, Control, Relationships by on Jul 5th, 2007. Comment.
1. Is it true?
I did some great Work and by the next encounter things had changed to the better.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
I want to say that I (!) did it. It appears to often happen that way. I do some Work and things change. But can I REALLY know that I (!) dit it? No.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I feel great. I have this powerful tool that I can change my circumstances with. I don’t like something, I do The Work – and things change for the better. And I am the one that made it happen. I am soo powerful. The Work is so powerful.
The flip side to believing "I did it" is feeling terrible if things don’t change after I did some Work. I must have done something wrong. I feel like a failure. It feels aweful.
Things change after I did The Work – I did it right. Nothing changes – I did it wrong.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would just appreciate the way things are now. And that it may change again. I would be happy. I would be in the I-don’t-know-mind. Who knows what brought about the change. It could be many reasons. It could have been on my end. It could have been on his end. Or it could be a little bit of both. Who knows?
Without the thought it wouldn’t even matter who did it or how the change came about. Things are the way they are, before as well as now. And both were and are perfect when they are.
Without the thought I feel the joy of the change in the relationship without taking or needing credit for it.
Turnarounds:
I did not do it.
Something could have changed for him, a new perspective, someone talked to him, just a better mood that day… And tomorrow it could be like it was before.
Filed under Control, Relationships, Self by on Jul 3rd, 2007. 1 Comment.
1. Is it true?
Absolutely! That’s what I’ve been taught. Just hanging out was not ok.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. Though I have believed it forever and many people would agree, truth is, I can’t really know. Who is to say anyway?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Stressed when I am not productive, feeling guilty, worth less, sometimes ashamed. I get very aintsy when I haven’t gotten far on my to-do list. I feel bad about myself when I see myself unproductive.
Stress. Pressure. Feeling guilty.
My mind travels to all the times (and it seems like ALWAYS) when I haven’t been as productive as I would have liked. I hate when people ask me what I have done so far and I can’t report great progress or I even have to admit that I haven’t done ANYTHING.
I feel it in my body. My shoulders all tense. Wow, that thought is affecting me quite a bit.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Wow, I would be relaxed. So relaxed. I would be productive when I am productive and unproductive when I am unproductive. I would trust that whatever gets done needed to get done and whatever didn’t get done, didn’t need to get done. Wow, what a world! And that has been true in the past. Except for feeling stressed and bad about myself, did ever something terrible happen when I was not as productive as I wanted to be? Interesting discovery.
Without the thought, I’d be free to be productive and also free to be unproductive. If someone (me for example 
) asked me what I have done today, I could say: Nothing. I was unproductive. That would be reality. No more, no less.
Turnarounds:
Being productive is not better than being unproductive.
- Sometimes when I am all productive, I am too busy spending quality time with my partner/family.
- Well, question is, better for what? Sometimes I am very productive but it still doesn’t yield the result I had sought. And other times I am not very productive but results happen even without my input. Maybe being productive and results aren’t always related?
Being unproductive is better than being productive.
- I am available for whatever is coming up. For example, a friend just asked if I was available to do some Work. And I was.
- It does make me value and appreciate the times more when I Am productive.
Being productive is equal to being unproductive.
- Each at its right time.
- I need unproductive times to relax. It’s just how the flow goes. Up and down. In and out.
I notice that I still have judgements about people that are unproductive. So, my breakfast tomorrow will consist of: "Unproductive people are worth less". Mmh, yummy! 
Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Control, Time, Work by on Jun 30th, 2007. Comment.
