1. Is that true?
YES!! It’s like time is my enemy.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. When something unpleasant is happening, there is more than enough time. Ok, same side of the story. It just isn’t right for me. But can I absolutely know that there is never enough time? Can I know that I would be happier if there was enough time? Mmmh… No. I can’t know that I would be happier.
I feel sooo upset. Angry. Punished. Like a loser. I never get it all done. Overwhelmed. And I treat the people in my life as a nuisance, a disturbance. Boy, yes! I’m short with them. I don’t take time to talk to them. I brush them off. Seeing them as time drainers or stealers. Yikes!
I’m treating myself really badly too. Seeing myself as a loser for not getting more done. Getting so angry when I look up from my desk and it’s already much later than I thought! My thyroid hurts, my face is tense. My shoulders too. Grrrr…
Punished? Mmh, interesting. Yeah, it’s like I get short-changed by the universe. "You? You don’t deserve more time! You are a time waster! You better shape up first before we give you any more time!"
Oooh, and then I envy others who seem to be so productive and accomplish a lot. Separation. I try to find flaws in them.
Hah, and I end up being frozen in upset and get even less done. Like I throw in the towel and give up. Why even try?
l just took a deep breath. Wow – I would notice what’s around me. I lighten up. My tension loosens up immediately. I ease up. My negative self-talk melts. Yeah, I relax. The time issue loses importance. I almost giggle. Like "Boy, did I blow this out of proportion. Really wrapped up in a story." I come out of paralysis. Much better.
Turnarounds
There is always enough time.
Ok, I am not quite believing this turnaround, but I am definitely realizing that the original thought is not helping. Believing it, does not make me more productive. In fact, the opposite happens. So, it’s not a helpful thought to believe.
Now, let me try to actually go to the opposite.
- Well, there is always enough time to complain.
- There is always enough time to eat.
- There is always enough time to read email.
Hah! It’s all about priorities. Obviously, something else was more important. Or, secretely I don’t even want to get that stuff done. Mmmh, food for thought.
Filed under Self, Time, Work by on Apr 2nd, 2009. 2 Comments. 
I just heard that this program will no longer be available after Febuary 5th. 
Here’s what happened: I joined this 4-week-program with Mona and Giovanni. I did all the exercises they suggested (many of them using The Work to question my thoughts about food etc.). And a few weeks later (without doing any kind of dieting!), I noticed my weight dropping. Could it be that weight wasn’t only connected to what you eat but your emotions and thinking? I mean, it had to because here I was continuing to lose weight over a period of 6 months. I reached my dream weight that I haven’t had since I’d been 16. And: I haven’t gained it back! That was 2 years ago…
Anyways, when I saw that Mona and Giovanni were discontinuing the sale of this audio program (and other great ones too), I thought I needed to let all my friends know about it. And the great things is that it’s on sale now as well.
Hurry up and check it out. It will not be available after Febuary 5th, 2009.
Hope you read this in time. Don’t miss this opportunity. 
Love,
Christine
Filed under Body, Self by on Feb 2nd, 2009. Comment.
1. Is it true?
YES! I have one reference of just a small group of people avoiding me and not talking to me, and in my mind that was one of the most terrible times in my life.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
Boy! I can’t really know. I am a different person today than I was when I was a 12 year old girl. I can’t know how the same situation would feel like to me today. No, I can’t absolutely know that it would feel like hell if nobody liked me.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I internally panic when someone doesn’t approve of me. It is rather subtle. I would not be consciously aware that that is the reason I feel such discomfort when someone shows even the slightest disapproval.
It feels great to have other people’s approval. It feels great when other people like me. That’s the norm. But oh boy, do all my alarm signals go off when I am not immediately liked by other people and approved of. It feels BAD. Really bad. No wonder it does. Look at what is at stake for me! Hell!
With that thought, there is fear, and stress, and a dependence on others. I constantly have my radar up whether people approve of me or not. From that belief also comes an immense pressure on myself to do what it takes to be liked: Don’t offend anybody. Don’t be too different. Don’t hurt anybody. Don’t make anybody feel bad. Don’t be lazy. Don’t show angry feelings. Don’t be too complicated. Be nice. Be easy. Be funny.
Oh my God! So many limits. So many do’s and don’ts. There is this narrow path to walk on.
How do you treat other people?
I am afraid of people that have lots of influence. For they are the ones that could influence others, and that could ultimately lead to being all alone.
How do you treat yourself?
Pressure. I don’t care how I feel – I need to do whatever it takes to not fall off that narrow path. Smile! Be good! Be angelic, really. Be the greatest step mother. Basically, lock away any thoughts and feelings that are less than great.
What has this thought been trying to protect you from?
To stray off the path. To keep me safe. Yeah, keep me from doing anything that would get me kicked out of the herd and make me saber-toothed tiger food.
How have you lived your life because you’ve believed that thought?
I haven’t really lived my life…
With that thought: Limits, fear, pressure on myself.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Free. I would be free. I see this image of me running on a green grass field with wide open arms. I would be light. I would be very loving and gentle with me. Oooh, that feels soo good.
Wow, all that heaviness and fear is gone. The tension is leaving my body. Wow! What a life!
Turnarounds:
It would be heaven, if nobody liked me.
Because I would be left. Nobody else to do my job. No distraction. No chasing other’s approval. Just me.
It would be hell, if I didn’t like me.
- So true. One example is my old identity of being big. When someone found me cute, I couldn’t believe them. I either disregarded what they were saying, devaluating their opinion, or I thought they might have a motive. I was suspicious.
- Once someone called me a fat cow when I accidentally stepped on her feet in a crowded train. Her comment cut like a knife (and there is still some charge). I thought of me as big. I didn’t like being tall. I was the one putting me in hell by hearing her words and believing them. I have no idea if that was her standard phrase no matter how tall or big someone was. Who knows. All my friends called this women all sorts of things when they heard me tell them what she said. "You are not fat!" It felt better knowing their support but deep down I still believed I WAS big. That was the hell part.
- Someone says they like me, I will guess what it is that they like and try to keep that identity up. Maybe they like that I am funny, or easy-going, or open-minded. In order to keep their love and approval, I try to be what I think they like. If I don’t like me, I have to seek it from someone else. And that is where the stress comes in.
It would be hell, if everybody liked me.
True. There have been only a handful of people that didn’t like me. So, almost all people that I have come in contact with liked me. And look at my answers in question 3! Limits, fear, pressure on myself. That sounds like hell. So, even though I have it most of the time, there then is the fear of losing it. Just because I have it now, doesn’t mean I can rest in it. It could be gone tomorrow. This constant worry IS the hell I was afraid of in the first place.
Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Fear and Depression, Relationships, Self by on Sep 14th, 2007. Comment.
1. Is it true?
I think I really believe that.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I look at women that just stay home, raise kids and do the cooking and cleaning – and I see them as worth less.
I put myself under pressure to achieve. When I believe that thought I also feel a constant shortage of time. With that thought I am constantly chasing against the clock. I compare myself with the imaginary place of where I should be, what I should have gotten done by now, how much money I should be making, etc.
Negative self-talk. Little or disrespecting others. Doing the same with myself. Constant pressure. Being flustered with the question: What do you do?
Ick! Lots of tension in my shoulders, constantly tapping my foot, a constant restlessness. And I eat. I eat to soothe and comfort.
Alright! I am ready to look at what life would be without this thought!
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Oh my god, that would be soo peaceful. I would just live my life. I would do what’s right in front of me. Without a story of where that should lead to. I would be more present. I would enjoy life more. I would be out of other people’s business. I would enjoy doing nothing. I could totally immerse myself in playing with W. There’d be PEACE. And also less separation and judgement of others.
Mmh, yeah that feels good. I love that.
Turnarounds:
People that don’t achieve anything are not worth less.
- I have no clue what they came into this life for. What if it was just to experience what it’s like to breathe?
- Or what if these people’s job was to make others feel better in that they offer a level of achievement that is easy for others to top?
-
Side question:
What is the purpose of achievement? Why do we need to achieve something in the first place?
Because everybody needs to contribute.
Why?
Because otherwise it is unbalanced. Some people DO something while others don’t.
Ok, so it’s about fairness. Now, what about these women that stay home and raise the children, do the cooking and cleaning. They ARE doing something.
Yes, that’s true.
So, it’s not just about fairness.
No. There is a concept of good and bad, better and worse.
So, achievement comes in a specific form?
Yes. You can’t "achieve" something at home.
Is achievement tied to money?
Not sure. Actually, a professor could come up with some new formula or write a book and she may not make a lot of money but she gets a lot of recognition.
Ah! So, achievement is tied to approval?
Yes, I think more so than money. Because I could think of someone making A LOT of money and nobody would call him an achiever. Let’s say a drug dealer or bank robber.
Ok, so we’ve established that achievement is tied to approval. You want to achieve something because that would get you people’s approval.
Yes.
So, the underlying belief here is: You need other people’s approval.
Yes, that’s it. I’ll question that next.
Ooooh, that was good!
Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Self, Time, Work by on Sep 13th, 2007. 4 Comments.
1. Is it true?
I just read it again and yes, it now seems cold to me.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
If I was in a place of pain I really do see it as somewhat cold. Not 100% but somewhat.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I want to take it back. I want to edit. I want to add something to soften it.
I remember how my Dad would say I had a cold heart. I start feeling really bad about myself. I really notice when I think and believe that thought I start to separate from me. It’s like with a friend who just did something that you don’t want to be part of, you take a step back.
I feel lonely. I see myself as cold. I really SEE it. There’s an amazing sadness. Tears start rolling down my cheek.
I feel that sadness in my thyroid. It’s very tense. I recall a memory of pushing my little brother because he had eaten my piece of cake. He crushed into the wall. I hadn’t meant for him to get hurt. But I pretended to not care and instead justified my action.
The more I stay there and think that thought, the more it hurts, the sadder I get, and the more I believe I am cold.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
The separation melts. I come back to myself. I give myself a hug. I see it for what it was: My intention was to help. The words seemed right at the time.
Without the thought I am gentle with myself. Loving. Caring. Understanding. Appreciating myself.
Without the thought I also don’t go in other people’s business. I don’t pretend to know how they’ll perceive my words. I stay in the here and now.
Turnarounds:
That was not cold.
- It was my experience that I shared.
- My intention was to help and offer insight that I was asked for.
- What is warm and what is cold? Who is to judge? Where does cold start and warm end? Is it the same for everybody? At different times?
That was warm.
- That was the intention in which it was written.
- Help in itself when it is asked for is warm.
Filed under Fear and Depression, Self by on Sep 5th, 2007. 2 Comments.
