1. Is that true?
YES!! It’s like time is my enemy.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. When something unpleasant is happening, there is more than enough time. Ok, same side of the story. It just isn’t right for me. But can I absolutely know that there is never enough time? Can I know that I would be happier if there was enough time? Mmmh… No. I can’t know that I would be happier.
I feel sooo upset. Angry. Punished. Like a loser. I never get it all done. Overwhelmed. And I treat the people in my life as a nuisance, a disturbance. Boy, yes! I’m short with them. I don’t take time to talk to them. I brush them off. Seeing them as time drainers or stealers. Yikes!
I’m treating myself really badly too. Seeing myself as a loser for not getting more done. Getting so angry when I look up from my desk and it’s already much later than I thought! My thyroid hurts, my face is tense. My shoulders too. Grrrr…
Punished? Mmh, interesting. Yeah, it’s like I get short-changed by the universe. "You? You don’t deserve more time! You are a time waster! You better shape up first before we give you any more time!"
Oooh, and then I envy others who seem to be so productive and accomplish a lot. Separation. I try to find flaws in them.
Hah, and I end up being frozen in upset and get even less done. Like I throw in the towel and give up. Why even try?
l just took a deep breath. Wow – I would notice what’s around me. I lighten up. My tension loosens up immediately. I ease up. My negative self-talk melts. Yeah, I relax. The time issue loses importance. I almost giggle. Like "Boy, did I blow this out of proportion. Really wrapped up in a story." I come out of paralysis. Much better.
Turnarounds
There is always enough time.
Ok, I am not quite believing this turnaround, but I am definitely realizing that the original thought is not helping. Believing it, does not make me more productive. In fact, the opposite happens. So, it’s not a helpful thought to believe.
Now, let me try to actually go to the opposite.
- Well, there is always enough time to complain.
- There is always enough time to eat.
- There is always enough time to read email.
Hah! It’s all about priorities. Obviously, something else was more important. Or, secretely I don’t even want to get that stuff done. Mmmh, food for thought.
Filed under Self, Time, Work by on Apr 2nd, 2009. 2 Comments. 
1. Is that true?
My inlay that had cost a fortune came out after only 3 years. Yes, bad work! I got screwed!
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
I really do believe so. Well, I can’t remember exactly what they had promised but I do remember what the dentist said about their track record. They had done x amount of inlays and tiny x amount came back or something. Ok, I don’t remember exactly. I don’t remember whether they were actually promising me 10 year with a 100 %. Ok, I can’t know absolutely that they did a bad job. But boy, a big part of me does believe it!
I feel screwed. I see myself as a victim. Someone worth less. They did well with all the other people, so they must have cared less about me. Yeah, I tell myself that they didn’t respect me or that weren’t worried that I would come back and fight or sue or badmouth them. I mentally attack the dentist. My mind goes to all the times dental work was bad and how much bad luck I’ve had with dental work. I see all the money I’ve invested so far and it’s never paid off.
I wouldn’t take it so personal. Oh boy! What a difference. Yeah, I wouldn’t make it about me and attach all this meanting to it. It’d be a tooth that needs work. I would admit that I haven’t spent any money on my teeth for a few years, that I have put off necessary dental work for a long time without any major consequences!! Wow, what a difference not taking it personal. I feel a lot better.
Turnarounds
They didn’t do a bad job/ They did a bad job.
How can I KNOW what job they did and whether/what other factors influence die longivity and quality of the inlay? Eating, chewing, grinding in sleep, tooth quality, etc.
I did a bad job.
Could be just as true. By eating too hard stuff when this inlay is from ceramic. By insisting on ceramic than accepting the more durable and longer lasting gold filling. By eating that hard candy that pulled out the inlay.
Filed under Money, Work by on Dec 19th, 2008. Comment.
1. Is it true?
Yes. Why? Mh… Because then I wouldn’t feel bad about myself. I would make that mean that I did a good job. And if they don’t get it, then it means that I failed.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. I can’t know that it would be best for them to get it right now. And I also can’t know that it would be better for me if they got it right now.
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
I get frustrated with them. I work even harder to get them to see it. I experience stress. Oh, a LOT of stress. Tense shoulders like a brick. I get this image of a fist. Yeah, a balled fist. I am trying to force an outcome. I want them to get it. I want them to really see. I want them to have an aha-moment.
I get frustrated with myself. I tell myself that I am not good if they don’t get it. I bring myself down. I make it mean something about me. If only I was better, then they’d get it. Byron Katie would get them to understand. And XYZ would. I am not. With me they don’t get it. I crush my self-confidence.
And then I get frustrated with The Work. That it’s not as easy as Katie says. Just four questions. Right! It’s much more than that. It’s a totally different way of seeing a problem. Of seeing the whole world! That is not small potatoes. In a way, I attack The Work. And Katie. Yeah, she makes it seem so easy.
Ok, so with the thought, FRUSTRATION, forcing an outcome, lots of negative self-talk.
4. Who would you be without that thought?
Without the thought I would get out of the other people’s business. Out of God’s/reality’s business. I can’t know whether and when the right time is for others to get The Work. It’s like the rose that Katie tries to make open up. "You should open up! Open rose! What’s wrong with you?!" etc. It seems ridiculous when she does that. As if any putting down or screaming could make the rose open up. So, no matter what I do, if it’s not time for someone to get The Work, it’s just not time.
Without the thought I relax. I don’t make it mean something about me and how good or bad I am as a facilitator. I relax. I listen to my intuition. I go with what comes up. I don’t force. I don’t need any particular outcome. I am just there. Doing what I am doing without a story.
Turnarounds:
They shouldn’t get it.
- When they don’t.
- Not before it’s time. We don’t want a baby to come out when s/he’s not ready. We don’t want to take out the cake when it’s not done cooking. We don’t want to get up when we are not done sleeping.
- Because I get to see all my expectations and attachments to what it means when they don’t get it.
I should get it.
- That some people don’t get it.
- That it is not time for them to get it yet.
- That no screaming in the world and putting down myself will get them to get if it’s not time yet.
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Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Control, Work by on Dec 6th, 2007. 1 Comment.
1. Is it true?
I think I really believe that.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I look at women that just stay home, raise kids and do the cooking and cleaning – and I see them as worth less.
I put myself under pressure to achieve. When I believe that thought I also feel a constant shortage of time. With that thought I am constantly chasing against the clock. I compare myself with the imaginary place of where I should be, what I should have gotten done by now, how much money I should be making, etc.
Negative self-talk. Little or disrespecting others. Doing the same with myself. Constant pressure. Being flustered with the question: What do you do?
Ick! Lots of tension in my shoulders, constantly tapping my foot, a constant restlessness. And I eat. I eat to soothe and comfort.
Alright! I am ready to look at what life would be without this thought!
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Oh my god, that would be soo peaceful. I would just live my life. I would do what’s right in front of me. Without a story of where that should lead to. I would be more present. I would enjoy life more. I would be out of other people’s business. I would enjoy doing nothing. I could totally immerse myself in playing with W. There’d be PEACE. And also less separation and judgement of others.
Mmh, yeah that feels good. I love that.
Turnarounds:
People that don’t achieve anything are not worth less.
- I have no clue what they came into this life for. What if it was just to experience what it’s like to breathe?
- Or what if these people’s job was to make others feel better in that they offer a level of achievement that is easy for others to top?
-
Side question:
What is the purpose of achievement? Why do we need to achieve something in the first place?
Because everybody needs to contribute.
Why?
Because otherwise it is unbalanced. Some people DO something while others don’t.
Ok, so it’s about fairness. Now, what about these women that stay home and raise the children, do the cooking and cleaning. They ARE doing something.
Yes, that’s true.
So, it’s not just about fairness.
No. There is a concept of good and bad, better and worse.
So, achievement comes in a specific form?
Yes. You can’t "achieve" something at home.
Is achievement tied to money?
Not sure. Actually, a professor could come up with some new formula or write a book and she may not make a lot of money but she gets a lot of recognition.
Ah! So, achievement is tied to approval?
Yes, I think more so than money. Because I could think of someone making A LOT of money and nobody would call him an achiever. Let’s say a drug dealer or bank robber.
Ok, so we’ve established that achievement is tied to approval. You want to achieve something because that would get you people’s approval.
Yes.
So, the underlying belief here is: You need other people’s approval.
Yes, that’s it. I’ll question that next.
Ooooh, that was good!
Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Self, Time, Work by on Sep 13th, 2007. 4 Comments.
1. Is it true?
Oh boy, it sure feels like it.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. Maybe it isn’t and I just can’t see it yet.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Discouraged. I sigh heavily. Like: I’ll never get there. It will take forever. There is not enough time.
There is negative self-talk like: Why can’t you just figure this out? It’s not that hard! What’s the big deal?!
I feel tension in my shoulders.
And my mind circles and circles and circles. It tries to attempt to focus and solve this thing. And then boom! the thought hits "It’s too hard!" and I stop. Yeah, it’s a constant stop and go. It is energy draining. I have attempted the first step (thinking it through to get to a next action) soo many times but never really stuck with it.
So, with the thought: stress and inaction
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would turn off my computer. I would set the clock for 30 minutes. And I would focus on solving this task uninterrupted without doing anything else.
Without the thought I feel confident, stronger, clearer. I also feel some excitement: Yeah, let’s tackle this and get to its core. Oooh, that feels good. Sort of tingeling.
So, without the belief: confidence and action
Turnarounds:
It’s not too hard.
- It really just comes down to breaking up this big project into little tasks.
- Each individual little task could be done by a high school kid.
- I’ve got support.
It is too easy.
Mmh, can’t see that one right now. But I’ve got to run anyway. I want to solve my problem. Yeehaa, I am on the go!! 
Filed under Time, Work by on Sep 8th, 2007. Comment.
