1. Is it true?
Yes. Why? Mh… Because then I wouldn’t feel bad about myself. I would make that mean that I did a good job. And if they don’t get it, then it means that I failed.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. I can’t know that it would be best for them to get it right now. And I also can’t know that it would be better for me if they got it right now.
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
I get frustrated with them. I work even harder to get them to see it. I experience stress. Oh, a LOT of stress. Tense shoulders like a brick. I get this image of a fist. Yeah, a balled fist. I am trying to force an outcome. I want them to get it. I want them to really see. I want them to have an aha-moment.
I get frustrated with myself. I tell myself that I am not good if they don’t get it. I bring myself down. I make it mean something about me. If only I was better, then they’d get it. Byron Katie would get them to understand. And XYZ would. I am not. With me they don’t get it. I crush my self-confidence.
And then I get frustrated with The Work. That it’s not as easy as Katie says. Just four questions. Right! It’s much more than that. It’s a totally different way of seeing a problem. Of seeing the whole world! That is not small potatoes. In a way, I attack The Work. And Katie. Yeah, she makes it seem so easy.
Ok, so with the thought, FRUSTRATION, forcing an outcome, lots of negative self-talk.
4. Who would you be without that thought?
Without the thought I would get out of the other people’s business. Out of God’s/reality’s business. I can’t know whether and when the right time is for others to get The Work. It’s like the rose that Katie tries to make open up. "You should open up! Open rose! What’s wrong with you?!" etc. It seems ridiculous when she does that. As if any putting down or screaming could make the rose open up. So, no matter what I do, if it’s not time for someone to get The Work, it’s just not time.
Without the thought I relax. I don’t make it mean something about me and how good or bad I am as a facilitator. I relax. I listen to my intuition. I go with what comes up. I don’t force. I don’t need any particular outcome. I am just there. Doing what I am doing without a story.
Turnarounds:
They shouldn’t get it.
- When they don’t.
- Not before it’s time. We don’t want a baby to come out when s/he’s not ready. We don’t want to take out the cake when it’s not done cooking. We don’t want to get up when we are not done sleeping.
- Because I get to see all my expectations and attachments to what it means when they don’t get it.
I should get it.
- That some people don’t get it.
- That it is not time for them to get it yet.
- That no screaming in the world and putting down myself will get them to get if it’s not time yet.
Unlimited Private Facilitation for the whole month of December for just $97! Act now! It’s not too late to sign up.
Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Control, Work by on Dec 6th, 2007. 1 Comment. 
I have gotten a few emails asking about the InquiryFest I referred to in my Work yesterday. So I thought that others might want to know the answers I gave as well:
Yes, QuestionTheMind.com is offering it again this year!
Yes, you can still join it even though it is already December 2nd.
No, it is not an ongoing thing. At least not yet. It’s the second time it’s ever been offered.
No, The InquiryFest is only for the month of December.
In addition to the private facilitation, there are weekly "Breakthrough Calls" and a New Years Eve Celebration Call (which I really loved last year. Looking back on the old year and also forward into the year to come. What a great way to start into the new year).
Check out all the details and the cool bonuses:
I wish I was a better writer to get across how great my experience was last year. I already had one session yesterday which was an amazing breakthrough. I worked on: Shutting down is weak. Ooh, I found such great turnarounds.
But sorry, gotta go… I want to make use of the InquiryFest to the fullest. Hope to see you there,
I wish you love, peace, and happy holidays,
Christine
PS: I couldn’t think of a better Christmas gift to myself. 
Filed under Uncategorized by on Dec 2nd, 2007. Comment.
1. Is it true?
Yes. Just one session can be $100 or even $200!!
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. I know there are other ways like exchanging services with someone who does what I want and who I can offer what I do.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Frustrated. Discouraged really. Can I only get great help and have wonderful breakthroughs when I have a lot of money?!
My mind wonders to people living on the street, to families that barely make it. They would never be able to grow and work through stuff with professional help. I get sad thinking of the unfairness in the world. How some people are naturally disadvantaged by where they were born.
Boy, that feels heavy. When I think of that I get really sad. Well, there is some gratitude in it too that I am not poor or live on the street. But when I just read the thought again "Professional help is too expensive" I am right back into feeling frustrated and angry. There is also some hopelessness. Some resentment towards the high fees that some professionals charge. And resentment towards ever increasing fees.
I feel that in my shoulders. My face is tense too. I just want to shut down.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Without the thought the heaviness is lifting some. Oh, and I seem to open up to all the possibilities to find other ways. Wow, it’s like opening a flood gate. I even notice it physically. I was kind of slumped in my chair and now I am sitting straight up. I feel some excitement about becoming creative. Yeah, lots of ideas are coming in.
Wow, what a difference. Let me jot down all those ideas in the turnarounds…
Turnarounds:
Professional support is not too expensive.
- There is the Byron Katie Round Robin. Facilitation with another person that knows the Work. Ok, most are not professional facilitators but hey it’s free. And as long as the other knows the four questions, it WORKS!
- As a coach I have (and I could, actually WILL again) find another coach to coach each other.
- Trading services with other professionals. I could offer facilitation to a massage therapist for example.
Wow, the possibilities are endless. Ooh, and another one just comes to mind. The InquiryFest that QuestionTheMind.com offers. It is unlimited private facilitation for the whole month of December with weekly breakthrough calls and a New Years Eve Celebration call. I remember how valuable that was when I did it last December!
Yeehaa! What a shift in my perception that Work has done!
Filed under Money by on Nov 30th, 2007. 1 Comment.
1. Is it true?
I think it would feel really good.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
Not if it comes at the price of selling myself.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I try to achieve something. A lot of my motivation comes from that thought.
With that thought I am dependent on their opinion of me. With that thought I also believe that I don’t have their approval. I feel like a victim. If only I had their approval life would be easier.
Yeah, there is a dependency. I am in their business. Out of mine. They are over there. I am over there. Nobody here to be with me. No wonder it feels lonely. I base my sense of self-worth on their opinion of me. Yikes.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would be in my own business. I would feel freer. Less limited. No need to show off my accomplishments and try to be especially good around them. I think I would rest more in my own peace. I would feel more confident around them.
Turnarounds:
I don’t want their approval.
- Not if that means to try to be good or special around them. So much effort and stress.
- If they don’t feel that way. I don’t want to control their thoughts if they don’t feel that way.
- I may feel the fear to lose it and try to do whatever it takes to keep that approval. Again, stressful.
- Because without their approval I really get to look at my own sense of self-worth (which ultimately will lead to more clarity and independence).
They want my approval.
Their business. But who knows. They could be just like me.
I want my approval.
Isn’t that what is REALLY true? When I am convinced of what I am doing, when I am happy with it and at peace, I don’t need anybody’s approval. I KNOW that it’s good. That is the best state to be in.
Filed under Approval and Appreciation by on Oct 11th, 2007. 2 Comments.
1. Is it true?
It might. It could REALLY hurt and be soo uncomfortable.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I let them ignore me. I don’t do anything about it. I don’t go up to them and ask point blank. I don’t bring it out into the open. I am quiet. I suffer. I think of quitting and not coming back. I have my head low. I am hoping for it to end and for everything to be normal again.
How do you treat others?
I see them as powerful. They can make me feel bad. They can make my life miserable. – And they can make it better.
How do you treat yourself?
I see myself as weak. As someone who couldn’t handle whatever might be there. I see myself blushing. I leave myself alone in my pain. I don’t stop or at least try to stop the pain and suffering. I abandon me.
I reach for food to soothe me. (Yeah, all day I’ve been wanting to eat stuff)
What has this thought been trying to protect you from?
Public and open judgment where everybody gets to tell me straight to the face what they think of me. This terrifies me (the 12 year old without inquiry). Who knows what would come up. I get images of extreme discomfort, blushing, wanting out, shame and embarrassement forever. I could never come back to the club, people in town would be talking about me, my life (and this sports team is a big part of my life) would be cut off. Gosh, no wonder I wouldn’t confront anybody and ask what IS UP?
How have you lived your life because you believed that thought?
I duck. I don’t confront other people when there seems to be an issue. I am afraid of what all would come up if I did. I am afraid to hear what they REALLY think of me. FEAR. LIMITS.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Without this thought, no doubt, I would address the problem. I would confront the people that seem to avoid me, that don’t talk to me. I would ask what’s up. I would bring it out into the open. I might ask the coach to take some time and have a team meeting to discuss the issue.
I would not feel guilty or look for possible reasons why they could be upset with me. I wouldn’t try to be nice to make them see I am ok.
Yes, I would stand up straight and just find out what’s up. I would confront instead of duck. Without the thought I am out of fear and paralysis into confidence and action. I am out of their business trying to figure it out myself.
I am much more loving and gentle with myself. I would stand by me. I would fight for me. I would not abandon me. I would stand up for me.
I would not see others as almighty and right. I would question their behavior. I wouldn’t not automatically assume that they must be right. I would be much more light-hearted but also determined and confident, active. Yeah, I would take action.
Oooh, that feels REALLY good. Especially the part where I fight for me and don’t abandon me.
Turnarounds:
All hell won’t break loose.
The worst that could happen is that everybody tells me what a bad person I am and that they don’t want me in the team anymore. Now, isn’t that what I am already considering anyway? If people really thought that badly of me, would I want to go on and have them suppress their thoughts and feelings and smile at me instead? Woud I really want that?
All hell will come to an end.
Yeah, I would fight for me. I really saw that the pain wasn’t in what THEY did to me but what I did to me. They say I am bad and I believed them. I left me. I abandoned me. I didn’t stand up for me. I let them say I am bad and I didn’t set things right. I made them more powerful than me.
All heaven will break loose.
Oooh, stand up for myself, be with me. What’s the worst that could happen if I open up the lines of communication? People telling me their opinion of me. No more and no less. So the worst that could happen is that I take what they say about me and believe it. And isn’t that what I already am doing?
The other part of heaven that could break loose that I see is to get clarity about what’s going on and to find out that all was just a communication mistake. Clearing it up instead of letting it simmer under the surface for days and never really talking about it.
Filed under Approval and Appreciation, Fear and Depression, Relationships by on Sep 15th, 2007. Comment.
