1. Is it true?
Yes. It is really annoying.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I get annoyed. I don’t understand his wish for me to choose the same ice cream as him. I try to understand and I realize I don’t. I have no reference. I see us as once again soo different.
I mentally roll my eyes every Tuesday when the same topic comes up. I feel exhausted. It makes me not even wanna go. I internally blame him for making me uncomfortable.
Also, I see myself as rigid. There is some negative self-talk like: Why can’t you just do that?? Obviously it is really important to him. But then the other voice strikes back and says Why should I? Why should I do something that I don’t want to do? He wouldn’t do that either!! NO!
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would be more relaxed. I would calmly say Thanks for asking and no. I would acknowledge his wish. I would let him have his wish and would let him express his wish. I wouldn’t think that there is something wrong with him wanting that. I would just hear a desire. No more, no less. And that wouldn’t mean I have to do it. I could just hear him. I could appreciate him sharing his internal world with me.
Without the thought I wouldn’t experience all that stress. I would stay calm and be relaxed, just hearing his words. Yeah, it would just be words. I could thank him. It would be like a record. Thank you and no. There’d be no stress in just calmly repeating that over and over. Question – Response. Question – Response. No story. No stress.
Turnarounds:
He should keep asking me to choose the same as him.
- So I can realize that I have a story around saying no to him (or anybody for that matter).
- Because he really wants me to have the same kind of ice cream. If that is really what he wants, he should keep asking me. Otherwise, it would be a lie that he wants me to have the same kind of ice cream as him. If he doesn’t keep asking, it would mean that he doesn’t really want me to. So, he is just keeping his integrity. Interesting.
- So I could see what it looks like when I REALLY want something. Because sometimes I tell myself I want something but I don’t act accordingly. For example, I want him to stop asking me to choose the same flavor as him but I don’t ask him to stop. 
Good to notice.
I shouldn’t keep asking him to choose the same as me.
Ha! Internally, I do. Not with ice cream but with healthy food. Absolutely!! I am not as upfront with it. So it seems as if I don’t. But boy, I do. Busted! 
And not only with food but with so many other things: exercise, tv, games, talking, thinking, chores, consideration, sharing. Boy, boy, boy! No wonder it annoys me so. I do that with him ALL THE TIME!!
I shouldn’t keep asking me to choose the same as him.
So true. There is this voice in me that is not very loving and understanding. It keeps saying: Why do you make such a fuss! Why don’t you just do what he wants? It’s not like you are going to die!!
Yeah, so I shouldn’t do that because THAT is where the internal stress comes from. I put myself under pressure like that.
Filed under Children by on Aug 22nd, 2007. 2 Comments. 
1. Is it true?
Yes, darn it!
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
I am not coming up with anything. So, no, I can’t absolutely know that I should.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Stressed out. I have negative self-talk going on like: What’s the matter with you?
I am putting pressure on myself. I gasp out like: Are you kidding me? What is going on? Normally, you have no problem coming up with anything, so why are you drawing a blank now?
With the thought: Stress and pressure.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would find it interesting. Even amusing. Normally, I am full of thoughts and ideas but not tonight. I could see as a comic or part of a funny show.
I would be much more gentle and loving towards myself. No pressure. I would still keep searching and would just be open for something to come to me.
Without the thought: Kindness and a smile.
Turnarounds:
I should not come up with something.
- So far I haven’t. That’s reality.
- Yeah, I get to see that the world is just fine without me coming up with something. Mmh, how relaxing.
- How else do I get to see the pressure I am putting myself under and then experience the sweetness of coming back to reality and treating myself kind and gentle. I get to experience that I am able to give that to myself. Nobody else needed. How sweet is that?
Filed under Control, Self, Work by on Aug 21st, 2007. Comment.
1. Is it true?
Right here, right now, it feels like it.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No. It’s seemed like that in the past and then it got ok again.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I get this tingling feeling in my face and in my hands. There’s this sense of doom. It feels really bad. Yeah, as if something terrible is going happen. I get really sad. I feel short of breath. It’s a feeling as if the whole earth was falling on me.
And when that passes, there is hatred coming in. I lash out against the source of my pain. And I also brace myself for the worst. In my head I even make it happen. It’s like I won’t let them do it to me – I’ll beat them to it. I become hard and put this armor on.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would trust that it will be ok again, if that is the best thing for my path. I would be open and receptive. I would be gentle and loving with myself.
The biggest difference is, with the thought – closed and attacking. Without the thought – open and receptive. Oh yeah, that feels so much more loving inside.
Turnarounds:
It will be ok again.
- It has been before.
- I could try walking in the other’s shoe and see what they might see. That might get me off my high horse of them being the villian and I’m being the victim.
- It has to be if that is my path.
It will never be not ok again.
That seems wild. And exciting too.
- Maybe this experience gets me out of my victim reaction once and for all.
Filed under Fear and Depression by on Aug 20th, 2007. Comment.
1. Is it true?
Yes. He is not playing it himself. So it shouldn’t even be an issue.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
No.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Annoyed. I want to manipulate him. I want to make him feel bad. I want to exercise my power and come up with some consequences that would make him give me the game immediately.
I see him as a brat. I don’t understand him. I don’t see his motivation. I want to give him the cold treatment.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would hear that he doesn’t want me playing his game. I would hear is words and take them as information. It tells me what I am not supposed to be doing right now.
I would respect his wish. I may still ask him why but not expect an answer.
Without the thought, it would just be information. No meaning attached. "Can I play your game?" "No." A question and an answer. That’s it. No future. No past. No meaning.
I would be in my business. I would find something else to do. I might even find the game online.
Turnarounds:
He should not let me play his game.
- So I get to see how violent and manipulative I get, at least in my mind.
- That might give him a sense of power.
- Because he doesn’t, at least not in this moment.
I should let him play my game.
Yeah, my laptop for example. I don’t let him play on my laptop. I am afraid he’ll break it. I am very proprietary about my stuff (laptop, coffee mugs, certain dishes etc.)
I should let me play my game.
Yes. If I really want to play that game, I’ll find another way. I could buy my own gameboy. I could find a free version online.
Filed under Children, Control by on Aug 19th, 2007. Comment.
1. Is it true?
Yes. It comes so suddenly. Out of nowhere.
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
I can’t know what is best, for her, for me, for the group, for anybody.
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
Sad. Really, really sad. Like a greater family member dying. Shocked. Wondering why she is leaving so suddenly.
I am in other people’s business. Wondering how it will effect everybody. And then fear sets in: What if others start leaving too? What if the group is ended?
But mostly right now it is sadness and a feeling of loss.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Open. Receiving. Trusting that it is best, for me, for her, for anybody – even when I cannot see it yet. I would be at peace. I would be in gratitude for having gotten so familiar with her. I would appreciate the times we’ve shared together.
Yeah, without the thought, there is gratitude. Mmh, and that feels so good.
Turnarounds:
She should leave.
- Because that’s what she’s decided.
- Because it shows me how grateful I am for this group.
I shouldn’t leave.
- Yeah, in my head I am leaving with her. I see the group as being over. Yeah, come back to the present moment.
- When I am in other people’s business of what it means that she is leaving. Come back into my business.
Filed under Relationships by on Aug 18th, 2007. Comment.
